It’s been nine years today since my dad passed away.
They say it gets easier with time, but I think that’s a lie. When it first happens, you immediately try to think of all the memories you have of that person. You think of the good times, the jokes, the laughter, the family camping trips to Cultas, the huge italian dinners, Christmas, Easter. A month after he passed away I quickly tried to write every memory I had of my dad so that I wouldn’t forget them, the stories, the anecdotes, his manerisms. And then, as time passes it begins to fill up with new memories. Memories that he’s missed. Every year that passes is just another year where he wasn’t there. Another birthday, another holiday, another milestone in life that he wasn’t here to celebrate with us. It doesn’t get ‘easier with time,’ as I’ve been told.
In the last year alone I can think of a million and one things that I wished he was here for. My university graduation where my mom and brother watched me walk across the stage to receive my degree, my first trip to europe and Italy to visit his relatives and see where he was born with my nonna (his mom), buying and moving into my first house with Adam, my brother Nick completing school, running an electrical business as a journeyman, participating in sailing races, receiving my teaching certificate and becoming a teacher; something he always knew I would become and was infinitely proud of my educational achievements even at a young age. The list goes on. With every year that passes since he left us so suddenly more memories are made without him, and it won’t stop. I could flash forward 2, 5, 10 years to my wedding, first child, etc. that I know he won’t be there for, and try to brace myself for the ache in my heart when those special days approach but it won’t make up for the fact that he is no longer here. We just celebrated another father’s day without him, and even though I know the day will come every year just as it always does, it still doesn’t get any easier, in fact I think it’s harder. I’m angry he isn’t here for me, and I wish he was. If you still have your dad, give him a hug today and do something together that you will remember 9 years from now.